Hurricane

So. 30 Seconds to Mars Released there new video. "Hurricane" is the name of it. It is very... Very... Ugh!! I can't think of the word!! The symbolism is AMAZING! Roughly 6 minutes, 37 seconds in is the most amazing scene. I may get some negative commentary, but that is exactly how I feel. It goes along with the lyric "Would you kill to save a life?" while being accompanied by rows of coffins with American flags. I suggest you watch it. I LOVE this piece of symbolism!! I understand that most everyone will not get my sense of view, shall I say? I will leave it as this.

Restlessness and Recession

Due to the pressures of life and the unpredictability that it brings, I find myself receding into the "once was". I was once a video game addict, though I play video games now, it has taken a back seat. But I find myself trying to escape the pressures of life again. The shell pulls me in seeking the comfort of it's hardness and ability to withstand and let the pressure pass. The support of an online community to assist with issues not related to the nakedness of real life. My avatar, my surrogate beckons me with the illusion of reward and emulated success. This life, I love. It will always be a part of me, it influences me and is a part of my core. I've spent too much time in that world however and as it tries to seep back into my veins, making me feel safe but I must pull away. Like any addiction, along the way a restlessness occurs. The actual world tries to pull you back but it's influence lacks the same amount of strength.

Like mother always says, moderation is best. Understood but likely mother doesn't know all which is involved. The constant desensitization of humanization everywhere we go is something hard to escape. Information is thrown at us everywhere we go and standards have been made to socialize. Those who feel they have a grasp on those standards seem blind to me. To socialize is to give way and self to your environment. Is it possible that these individuals have lost more than they have bargained?

Being aware of where your innate instincts lie through socialization does not come without stress. This ability to place yourself on this spectrum allows for a deeper, more intense expression. When comfort is achieved in self-expression, something is wrong. The ability to capture what you want... is that even possible? I think of art as nothing but conceptualization. The ability to achieve what is intended is valuable, but there is always something missing. To be okay with that and to say a piece is "complete" is giving up. The piece is always in progress and always will be because what is in your head can never fully be brought into this world.

By "completing" a piece, we are fooling ourselves. We freeze that moment of conceptualization to feel comfortable, we fall into the shell for as long as the world doesn't attempt to pull us back out, or at least until we realize this. For something to be "complete," is for something to have limitations. This is why we are sucked into these other worlds because there is the thought or illusion of completing something wholly.

Realization

For some reason I feel as if I am incredibly "bored" with living at home... Living in northern California for my whole life... My visit to Fresno was... Fantastic. To say the least. I got to see everyone I wanted. I saw the garden co-op my cousin and his roommates are a part of. I "train boxed". I must say that is one of the most epic experiences I have had in a long time. It is such a thrill. I suggest it. But quite honestly, being with Philip made me feel at ease. For some reason, he is the one person who I truly feel comfortable around. I know he will end up reading this. I am okay with it. I quite honestly feel as if I were down there, I would be more motivated than I am now... Which is something I so desperately need right now in my life. I so badly want to get back in school but I feel as if going to school in Santa Rosa would be pointless... Eventually I will figure it out... Once my mind stops running a million different ways...

Conviction

So I sit here listening to my "Death Cab for Cutie Station" on Pandora. At this moment, Iron & Wine is playing and it's making me a happy camper. A band I do not normally listen to, but I like it. Lately, I have been wanting to do a lot more with my photography. Maybe selling... Not sure. For some reason I crave that feeling of being noticed for something I feel I am good at. Not just how good I do at my job. I have one very good friend who is interested in showing a few pictures in her new apartment, which I LOVE! The title for this blog is kind of implying what I want in life. I need to stay more convicted to my photography. Actually putting the effort needed into it. On that note, I am off to decide what I shall be doing Friday!

Untitled

I've placed myself upon a structure, one that may be monumental to some. But not to those merely because of height, but merely because of the modern beauty and "necessity" which makes it up. The night is that of explosions, smacks, pops and glory. Upon where I am placed, I receive a panoramic view of what may become but am uninspired. The overbearing enormity of those forms that appear for three seconds at somewhat wasted on me. I try to appreciate them for their galore to the others in proximity but cannot. Instead my mind turns to lesser things than the expected feeling that comes with the forms. I've made concrete decision in my mind at this point, because I am disappointed with the seek for inspiration, making these decision as concrete as warming ice. What does it mean to look for this thing that makes you want to run to the walls and see what sticks?

What we do is we create them. We close our eyes and make them real. There is no shame in this, only satisfaction. If we are able to bring them into this world, we are makers. We are the most divine of all beings. We take, twist and mutilate elements in hopes to bring reverence or understanding. Both of these are selfish.

In the Works

It starts with doodles in class, evolves into a preliminary sketch then all is lost when I start making the piece. Sounds like it is time to work on my series again. I will be taking an independent project studio class once again. It seems to be one of the bigger things on my mind currently. Stemming off of my current paintings, I seek to create a world which is visually intriguing yet ambiguous. Meant to give the view a feeling of instability, excitement, overwhelming.

This will change, almost defiantly.

Using a number of mediums, I plan on using sculpture, oil on wood and possibly photography or charcoal drawings. I expect my statement to be in constant flux, my levels of inspiration varied.

Reflection

Today I have been up since 6:30 a.m. and I am exhausted. I have been on a bus or train from about 8:30 a.m. to about 2p.m. on my way to Fresno, CA to visit family since the newest edition came along. That being said, I cannot complain about the whole day. Being on the bus/train has given me a chance to reflect. All my life I have either been driven down here or I have personally driven myself. I have been either to busy driving or having my parents or someone else occupy me. I never really had a chance to look at what is around me. The scenery, the beauty of Lakeville Highway!! I have NEVER paid so much attention to fine details of life around me. It was a nice change from the same old crap I deal with everyday it seems like. Even though my cousin that I am staying with for the night had to work, I know that I am going to go home with a refreshed feeling. Getting to see my new second cousin, seeing both my aunts, the new mommy in our family, and one of the best people I have the honor of knowing is just fantastic. It is nice to know that I am going to go home and feel as if I accomplished something on my vacation even though it was only about a day and a half long.


I shall finish this blog on a very weary, tired note. Mostly due to the fact that Sufy is MORE then curious with what is going on with what I am typing on the screen.

Visual Art and It's Absence in Popular Culture

Okay, you may be saying to yourself right now, "What is he talking about, we have everything from graphic design to paintings in our houses." Think back in the times when culture held visual art in high regards. Such art movements as the Renaissance. Cafe's would bustle with the words of people talking about art as if it were a new movie or an article on yahoo. Not to say that those aren't an important part of our culture, but this question has been a topic of conversation of TAC for sometime now.

My initial explanation is convenience. It is easier to go online and look check out the new movies, go into a shop and talk about the new design on a skateboard or enter iTunes and see what is the most downloaded song of the week. From a 20-somewhat point of view, I have to venture outside of the usual sources of news in order to fine anything related to "fine art." It is hard to go to a gallery during Fresno's Art Hop and see a younger person, even older, look at a painting for more 5 seconds. "Ehhhh" or "I like this one" are common responses..

Being someone who spends 5 hours on the permanent exhibit at the SFMOMA, I feel that I am not in the right environment most of the time. It probably helps being an artist, but being able to take the time and look past the surface of a piece seems to be something that the general population does not do. Is it conditioning? Since everyone else is moving past the pieces like they are in a race, should you? This is not meant to criticize, just bring attention to something that may or may not actually be there. Am I crazy for thinking this? Am I not taking people's actions as critically as I should?

Yellow Smiley-Faced Balloon

Today was a gloomy, rainy day and really had no potential for anything special. Until I was on my way home. As I was merging onto the freeway, I happened to see a yellow smiley-face balloon on the side of the of the overpass. Honestly, I really found that to be one of those things that just stand out. It was chaotic at work and that made my day a little better. Brighter even. That gave my day/night the potential that I was looking for. It gave me the artistic edge I wanted for the evening.

Venting

Looking back on the last few days, I have never felt more motivated. The weather was amazing both Saturday and Sunday.Of course I was stuck in work both days. Never-the-less, I felt as if I wanted to run, clean, exercise... All of this stuff I never have time to do or feel like doing... Sunday was truly one of those days that made me want to walk up to my boss and simply say "I quit!". But I can't due to the fact that I have financial obligations to attend to. I can only hope that I can get something where I can actually be happy. Have free time but still have money to do what I need. On a good note, it has not started raining. I shall go and try to enjoy my day off and photograph my experiences in this world.