Idolization vs. The Human Touch

This work I have always loved, this work has endlessly inspired me. People have publicized, I've listened- one gratuitous comment even coming from a mentor. I've imagined an intimate meeting with the work, his work, him. This was a key upside to moving to San Francisco, the off chance I could meet a real life inspiration. The man of my dreams. Darren Waterston.

With the accessibility of the internet, it is so easy to acquire a sense of false obsession. Now, obsessed is an overstatement, maybe. The world is at my fingertips as I type this. I could "google" anything, anyone. I find photos of people, of things, of art. I create new standards in everything because of this screen that grants false freedom.

This is actually an art gallery review but my experience of the art has brought these arguments to mind.

I was able to view work from my "favourite" contemporary artist for the first time in person, Darren Waterston. Even since I found his work on an informal art blog, I've felt such a connection with it. I've read literature pertaining to his work and have done some research of the artist. What intrigues me most about him is how he moved through his career in art. He was born in Fresno, CA, where I spent most of my life and has moved throughout California, landing in San Francisco for a good while, at the Haines Gallery downtown. He now presides in New York. But following his career makes my experience in art school more hopeful because of these similarities.

Now, the experience of the work visually is the main objective of this blurb. Upon walking into the gallery my expectation were in a strange fashion. I've heard from my mentor, who has worked with Darren, "his surfaces are amazing." They were great, but I'm not so sure amazing. The placement of the pieces were interesting and his work intriguing.

I immediately froze and attempted to change perspective. I was looking at the work as if I was view it online. I searched for a sense of connection on the most superficial level and was looking at what was publicized to be great about the work.

So now I viewed the work closer and looked at it more critically.

I noticed brush strokes. Strokes were not visible online.
I rounded the single sculpture in the room. This feature was not available on my 2-dimensional screen.
I looked at pieces individually and moved back to understand the intent of placement.
I sipped wine and wondered how some of the pieces felt.
I read the artist statement and was a little confused.
I sidestepped a group of shorter people and was impatient when they wouldn't move.
I looked at the price of my favourite piece and died a little inside.

I think I discovered something about myself. Like any other type of mass media or easily accessible creative works, I would rather see it in person.

Hurricane

So. 30 Seconds to Mars Released there new video. "Hurricane" is the name of it. It is very... Very... Ugh!! I can't think of the word!! The symbolism is AMAZING! Roughly 6 minutes, 37 seconds in is the most amazing scene. I may get some negative commentary, but that is exactly how I feel. It goes along with the lyric "Would you kill to save a life?" while being accompanied by rows of coffins with American flags. I suggest you watch it. I LOVE this piece of symbolism!! I understand that most everyone will not get my sense of view, shall I say? I will leave it as this.

Restlessness and Recession

Due to the pressures of life and the unpredictability that it brings, I find myself receding into the "once was". I was once a video game addict, though I play video games now, it has taken a back seat. But I find myself trying to escape the pressures of life again. The shell pulls me in seeking the comfort of it's hardness and ability to withstand and let the pressure pass. The support of an online community to assist with issues not related to the nakedness of real life. My avatar, my surrogate beckons me with the illusion of reward and emulated success. This life, I love. It will always be a part of me, it influences me and is a part of my core. I've spent too much time in that world however and as it tries to seep back into my veins, making me feel safe but I must pull away. Like any addiction, along the way a restlessness occurs. The actual world tries to pull you back but it's influence lacks the same amount of strength.

Like mother always says, moderation is best. Understood but likely mother doesn't know all which is involved. The constant desensitization of humanization everywhere we go is something hard to escape. Information is thrown at us everywhere we go and standards have been made to socialize. Those who feel they have a grasp on those standards seem blind to me. To socialize is to give way and self to your environment. Is it possible that these individuals have lost more than they have bargained?

Being aware of where your innate instincts lie through socialization does not come without stress. This ability to place yourself on this spectrum allows for a deeper, more intense expression. When comfort is achieved in self-expression, something is wrong. The ability to capture what you want... is that even possible? I think of art as nothing but conceptualization. The ability to achieve what is intended is valuable, but there is always something missing. To be okay with that and to say a piece is "complete" is giving up. The piece is always in progress and always will be because what is in your head can never fully be brought into this world.

By "completing" a piece, we are fooling ourselves. We freeze that moment of conceptualization to feel comfortable, we fall into the shell for as long as the world doesn't attempt to pull us back out, or at least until we realize this. For something to be "complete," is for something to have limitations. This is why we are sucked into these other worlds because there is the thought or illusion of completing something wholly.

Realization

For some reason I feel as if I am incredibly "bored" with living at home... Living in northern California for my whole life... My visit to Fresno was... Fantastic. To say the least. I got to see everyone I wanted. I saw the garden co-op my cousin and his roommates are a part of. I "train boxed". I must say that is one of the most epic experiences I have had in a long time. It is such a thrill. I suggest it. But quite honestly, being with Philip made me feel at ease. For some reason, he is the one person who I truly feel comfortable around. I know he will end up reading this. I am okay with it. I quite honestly feel as if I were down there, I would be more motivated than I am now... Which is something I so desperately need right now in my life. I so badly want to get back in school but I feel as if going to school in Santa Rosa would be pointless... Eventually I will figure it out... Once my mind stops running a million different ways...

Conviction

So I sit here listening to my "Death Cab for Cutie Station" on Pandora. At this moment, Iron & Wine is playing and it's making me a happy camper. A band I do not normally listen to, but I like it. Lately, I have been wanting to do a lot more with my photography. Maybe selling... Not sure. For some reason I crave that feeling of being noticed for something I feel I am good at. Not just how good I do at my job. I have one very good friend who is interested in showing a few pictures in her new apartment, which I LOVE! The title for this blog is kind of implying what I want in life. I need to stay more convicted to my photography. Actually putting the effort needed into it. On that note, I am off to decide what I shall be doing Friday!

Untitled

I've placed myself upon a structure, one that may be monumental to some. But not to those merely because of height, but merely because of the modern beauty and "necessity" which makes it up. The night is that of explosions, smacks, pops and glory. Upon where I am placed, I receive a panoramic view of what may become but am uninspired. The overbearing enormity of those forms that appear for three seconds at somewhat wasted on me. I try to appreciate them for their galore to the others in proximity but cannot. Instead my mind turns to lesser things than the expected feeling that comes with the forms. I've made concrete decision in my mind at this point, because I am disappointed with the seek for inspiration, making these decision as concrete as warming ice. What does it mean to look for this thing that makes you want to run to the walls and see what sticks?

What we do is we create them. We close our eyes and make them real. There is no shame in this, only satisfaction. If we are able to bring them into this world, we are makers. We are the most divine of all beings. We take, twist and mutilate elements in hopes to bring reverence or understanding. Both of these are selfish.

In the Works

It starts with doodles in class, evolves into a preliminary sketch then all is lost when I start making the piece. Sounds like it is time to work on my series again. I will be taking an independent project studio class once again. It seems to be one of the bigger things on my mind currently. Stemming off of my current paintings, I seek to create a world which is visually intriguing yet ambiguous. Meant to give the view a feeling of instability, excitement, overwhelming.

This will change, almost defiantly.

Using a number of mediums, I plan on using sculpture, oil on wood and possibly photography or charcoal drawings. I expect my statement to be in constant flux, my levels of inspiration varied.